


the autopilot years

by stefonzolesky



Category: Wet Hot American Summer (2001), Wet Hot American Summer: First Day of Camp (TV)
Genre: Gen, M/M, he's really goin through it, homophobic slurs are used, mostly about mckinley
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-04
Updated: 2018-08-04
Packaged: 2019-06-21 14:23:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15559674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stefonzolesky/pseuds/stefonzolesky
Summary: Shame is an uncomfortable feeling that McKinley thinks he’ll never get used to.





	the autopilot years

McKinley is ten years old when he decides that he doesn't want people to call him Waldorf anymore. He got pushed over on the playground because another kid thought it was a _stupid_ name, so he marches right up to his parents and asks them to call him Mac, short for McKinley. They're confused, probably upset, but they listen to what he wants.

He starts to explain himself, but his mom says, “That's fine, Mac. You don't have to tell us why. We just want you to be happy.”

 

McKinley’s parents have always been supportive of everything he did. His mom taught him how to sew when he was eight, his dad taught him how to fight on his twelfth birthday.

He gets suspended for punching a kid in the nose during the subsequent school year.

He probably would have gotten in trouble for it at home, too, if the kid hadn’t been taunting him.

 

“He called me a faggot,” McKinley explains. He slumps back in his seat. His parents exchange a glance that McKinley knows well, so he continues, “He called me a faggot because I kissed a boy.”

“You did?” McKinley’s mom asks with a tilt of her head.

McKinley shrugs. “Allegedly. Of course, I’m the only person who actually knows if it’s true. Me, and the guy I supposedly kissed.”

There’s an awkward silence in the room. McKinley hates silence. He coughs. “I was right to punch him in the face. I don’t care what you have to say about it.”

McKinley’s dad gives a slow nod. “We’re not happy you got suspended, so maybe you can try and, uh, refrain from punching people when you go back to school?”

McKinley nods solemnly. “I’ll try my best.”

 

McKinley starts auditioning for school musicals pretty soon after that. He’s already the school’s gay stereotype, he might as well embrace it by expressing his love of theatre alongside that.

He lands the lead role on his first try. It wasn’t hard, though, he was only beating out all the football guys who wanted to kiss the pretty love interest. He doesn’t blame them, at least, not entirely. His co-star is one of those cute, shy girls that guys pretend they aren’t interested in, except they are.

Her name is Annie, McKinley learns, and he assures her that he isn’t going to be creepy and hit on her -- he is the resident gay kid, after all.

“I thought those were just rumours,” She says, tucking a stray hair behind her ear. “I didn’t want to assume.”

McKinley laughs. “Every rumour has a bit of truth to it. I definitely didn’t make out with some kid in a supply closet, though, that’s not my style. I’d take the sports shed over that any day.”

Annie is really sweet. McKinley kind of wishes she would stick around, but her dad gets a job overseas during the summer, so she doesn’t come back to school the next year. Besides, McKinley is transferring anyway.

 

Upon starting a new school at fourteen years old, McKinley decides that maybe he doesn’t want to be the resident gay kid -- because _obviously_ there’s only one at every school, there can’t _possibly_ be more than that. He isn’t starting entirely anew, though, he spots Gary and J.J. from Camp Firewood pretty quickly. It’s nice to already know some people at a new school.

Something sort of flips, though, at this new school. It’s bigger, it’s harsher, and McKinley finds himself newly ashamed of his sexuality. He tries to cover it up, he tries out for the football team, (and blows it epically,) he ignores the theatre sign-up sheets in the hallways. J.J. and Gary are just now getting to know him well, so they don’t see that anything is off.

When McKinley’s parents ask, he pointedly ignores them and storms off to his room. He’s ashamed, and scared, and ashamed of the fact that he’s ashamed and scared, and high school fucking _sucks,_ alright? It does.

His parents tell him to take a mental health day -- he clearly needs it. It helps, just barely. McKinley is beyond thankful that he doesn’t have to fake when he’s at home.

 

Valentine’s day is around the corner, and Gary asks him who his Valentine is gonna be. McKinley shrugs, eyeing a blond boy across the room while Gary talks his ear off about girls in the grade above them.

He wants to say something. He wants to grab Gary by the shoulders and scream, _“I’m gay, you fucking idiot!”_

But he doesn’t, because he’s _ashamed,_ and shame is an uncomfortable feeling that McKinley thinks he’ll never get used to.

He shifts in his place and tunes out the rest of the world.

 

Sixteen is a different, more comfortable age.

McKinley isn’t _entirely_ comfortable, because God fucking forbid he be comfortable. Apparently it just isn’t in the cards for him.

He barely makes it through the school year, with his head down, because he hangs out with the guys who make all the gay jokes -- why would an actual gay person hang out with them? He’s grown to enjoy their company, though, so he asks himself that question fairly often. He does his best not to dwell on it.

 

Summer camp brings back once-a-year friendships. McKinley is starting to boil over.

At least, he realizes, if there’s anyone he should talk to, it should be one of these people he only sees for a few months every year.

First, he thinks Ben, because Ben is definitely gay, right? He’s fairly attractive, too, and McKinley has been known to stare when he knows that nobody is looking. Except, Ben is dating Susie, and also McKinley has never had an actual conversation with him.

Fate works in mysterious ways, though, because people get hurt, and McKinley finally talks to Ben, and they’re in closer quarters than they’ve been before.

McKinley has kissed boys before, but none of them have ever kissed like Ben.


End file.
